Question by Maltese Mamma (67 days!): a few questions about my wedding reception!?
For personal (not financial) reasons my man and I have opted to for-go having alcohol at our reception, not even a champagne toast.
Would you put that on your invite? And if so how do I do so tastefully? Also, if I do put it on the invite I have a few family members who would actually bring their own alcohol. How do I prevent this as well?
And I’m planning on having a full wait staff and having a formal sit down dinner (my guest list is small and only comprised of family). Do you think it would be okay to ask some of the wait staff to double as ushers for seating if not, who could I enlist to do this? And since we will be having an out door ceremony, do you think having a formal dinner would be odd? How do I indicate on the invite that its a formal dinner, but no black tie affair? (I’m wanting to cater to my guests and make them feel wanted and appreciated, too often have I gone to weddings and felt like I was there to bring the bride and groom gifts, and I don’t want anyone to feel this way by any means whatsoever! And I don’t want to make my guests feel as though they need to dress in the 9s, as some can’t afford to do so, but I also don’t want them to under dress and feel awkward for doing so) So how do you say formal dinner, please dress nice, but not too nice? Also, I was thinking, where we will be having our ceremony they have a huge outdoor pavillion with a fireplace that is gorgeous which I could have the reception in, if I were to decorate it nicely (string white lights and tuelle on the roof, nice cloth linen, candle light, etc.) would that be too informal for a formal dinner?
And how do you do a table arrangement? Parent in laws at one table? Minors at another? Aunt and uncle inlaws at another? What about my sibling in laws, they wouldn’t have any sibling in laws as I’m an only child? Where/how do I seat my guests?
Also, my wedding is going to be in October, maybe September, its dependent on my bridesmaids school schedule.
Best answer:
Answer by aspasia
I think a formal dinner al fresco sounds lovely. An outdoor pavillion is completely correct for such an event. Al fresco events were extremely fashionable during the Regency period, when most of our formal etiquette was being established.
The style of the invitation is your guests’ clue to the style of the affair you are holding, and to how they should dress. If you use white vellum heavy paper, black ink, and formal traditional wording; your guests will see from *your* formality, that they themselves need to dress up. Don’t worry about your guests’ being overdressed. Very few people expect to wear black tie anyway and those that do can be expected to own their own dinner dress already. Those that don’t will be looking for the words “black tie” to appear on the invitation before they worry about renting evening jackets. And in general people will tend to assume that, since it *is* al fresco, that it is *not* black tie.
Correct protocol when planning any event, includes assuming that the guests are coming primarily for the pleasure of your company — regardless of what you serve by way of food and drink. So, you never advertise what you plan to serve. That should solve the problem of your guests’ bringing their own (which would be completely forbidden by proper protocol anyway, but I’m guessing they don’t realize that).
Hired footmen (nowadays called “wait staff”) certainly could be employed to direct guests where to sit. More commonly younger male relatives are asked to do this — primarily because footmen are not available.
Table arrangements are not rigidly dictated. There is considerable art to a hostess’s design of the seating. Things to consider are, that the most honoured guests (elderly relatives, dignitaries, and so on) should sit closest to the head table and be served first. Couples should be separated to give them the pleasure of conversing with new people (and to prevent insular conversations that exclude other guests). Groupings should be chosen that are compatible, but that also allow the two families to mingle and get to know each other. “Problem” guests need to be carefully placed beside trustful, tactful guests — or beside other problem guests whose idiosyncracies cancel the other out. For example, put a boring guest next to a patient-but-hard-of-hearing guest!
You sound like a gracious hostess, and I wish you all the best.
Give your answer to this question below!
Related Blogs
